Monday, April 26, 2010
The other week I wrote about making marriage work. I wondered about whether couples should try to make things work when a spouse commits infidelity, especially on a continuous basis. There has been so much talk in the media, and around dinner tables about marriage and cheating, and whether women should stay with their cheating husbands.
It has really made me think about whether a woman should try to fight for the marriage, or if it's doomed after a man perpetually cheats on her. I do not have the answers, but I've read some interesting things about having faith in the Lord to heal a broken marriage, and to try to be the best wife you can be, despite difficult circumstances.
Here is an excerpt of a testimony written to Debi Pearl from a wife that dealt with her husband's infidelity, and how she overcame it.
Allow me to start my letter by stating that I am a 34-year-old African-American female Chicagoan. I feel this is important to say because when first learning of your Created To Be His Help Meet book, I thought, that was not for today’s black family.
Shame on me, but I am typing this so others will not opt out of their blessing based upon stereotyping.
I have been married to my H.S. sweetheart for 13 years. Believe me, it has not been as sweet as it sounds. I come from a family of strong, independent black women. This was thought of as a blessing until I took a good look at why ALL the women in my predominantly-female family have been divorced. Yes, ALL OF THEM!
I was well on my way to being divorced myself. My husband and I had been separated for 3 years, 2 of which he had a live-in girlfriend, and 1 ½ years where all three of our daughters were sent to live with them!
You can read the rest here.
photo from I Think I Love My Wife.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Here's a picture of a vase of flowers in my kitchen. Small things like having a vase of pretty flowers does a lot to add beauty and cheer to your home. I love looking at it when I go into the kitchen.
If you cannot tell, I also love Portmeirion china. I think it's so feminine and pretty.
Over the weekend I found a fabulous little book that I want to purchase. It's called How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew by Erin Bried. It seems to be jam packed with delightful insights into how to be an excellent homemaker. It reminded me of how I need to sit down with my grandmothers and learn more from them about being an excellent housewife, because they definitely fit the description.
Lastly, I was excited to learn about an acquaintance of mine who has started her own business, Pink Pastry Parlor, which is a bakery and also hosts girls tea parties and other events. It is soooo cute, and I was so excited that a young lady that I know has a cute business like this. If you live near the Norcross, GA area, be sure to check it out.
Have a wonderful Monday!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Surrounding yourself with beauty is so inspiring and refreshing. Looking beautiful, and creating a beautiful surrounding can make life so much more pleasant and make you feel happier, despite whatever negative things in your life may be going on.
What makes me feel happy and inspired?
1. Taking a shower and dressing pretty. Putting forth the effort to look pretty just makes me feel good. Even if no one is going to see me, just knowing that I look nice, makes me feel good inside. We value what we take care of, so take care of yourself, and reflect your value. On the flip side, when I put on a baggy t-shirt and sweats, I just feel drab. Wearing a cute housedress, hair styled nicely, a touch of lipstick, and perfume, makes me feel so feminine and happy.
2. Cleaning. Seriously. Three years ago, I never would have thought I would say that, but cleaning makes me feel good inside. When you have a lot of clutter and disarray it can make you feel tense and anxious. At least, that's how I feel. So, I feel great when I tackle the clutter in my closet, on my desk, make the bathroom sparkly and clean. Cleaning makes me feel accomplished and I inwardly say "aaaahhhh".
3. Looking at pretty things. I love reading Romantic Homes and Tea Time. It just lifts my spirits to see such pretty things.
These are just a few things that make me feel happy on the inside, and put me in a good mood. They are simple things that I can do everyday to help me recharge and keep in touch with being beautiful on the inside and out.
Reading this verse inspires me to seek the beauty and joy in any situation:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Have a happy Monday!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I have been thinking a lot lately about making marriage work, and is it more Godly to stay with a spouse who is not good for you, or get a divorce. In the Bible, God does make one concession for divorce, which is adultery.
In Matthew 19:9 He says,
I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
So fornication, or sex outside of marriage, is the only way that a Christian can rightfully divorce and be free to remarry.
Ok. There are many Christian teachers or preachers who exhort couples to make their marriage work, even if they are married to someone who is cheating on them. They should strive to do what they can to forgive their spouse and make their marriage even stronger.
Would it be "less Godly" to seek a divorce if your husband cheated?
People always talk about how people stayed together during our grandparents time and before them. Marriages lasted then. But, I know that many of those women endured cheating husbands, and they chose to look the other way. An older cousin of mine said, "I don't know what's wrong with these young women today. They don't know how to endure through a marriage. These days when a husband cheats, the wife divorces him. In our day we were strong women who knew how to endure."
My mother's reply was, "Do you call that strong though?"
If those generations of women divorced their husbands for cheating or physical abuse, what would their divorce rate really have been? Many people say that a cheater is a cheater, and will not change. But, sometimes these older women say that their husbands did change. . . at least to their knowledge.
I do know that divorce is a desvastating experience on all that are included, the spouses, children, and extended family. Is it more "Godly" to stay with a cheating spouse for the sake of having an intact family? Will God bless your desire to honor your marriage vows, even though your spouse did not honor his? Will God change that man and make him faithful? Is it worth it?
Former NFL player, Michael Irvin cheated on his wife numerous times throughout their marriage. She knew about his cheating, but stayed with him. After a couple of years, she gave up arguing with him about it, and just tried to be the best wife she could be, and prayed for her husband.
After abot 11 years of marriage, he finally committed to her and stopped cheating on her. That was a couple of years ago that he said this, so I don't know if he has remained faithful. But, 11 years?! Would you have the patience to wait 11 years for your husband to finally stop cheating on you? T.D. Jakes praised her for being such a God-fearing woman, and for her faith. But, should women look to that and use that as their hope that their husband may one day change?
What if it takes 20 years. Is it worth that?
This is already a long post, so I will continue more in a few days. . .
Monday, April 5, 2010
Ladies Against Feminism is back! And, I'm so excited. I think I first started reading their website in 2004 or so. I absolutely fell in love with it, and have been a fan ever since. They put into words what I already felt about a woman's role.
They were such a breath of fresh air in a world that was and still is so focused on women having careers and abandoning their homes and families.
Be sure to check out their new website, and enjoy!