Visions for my Daughter

*m.c. wrey, "my precious"

I delight in being feminine, and I want my daughter to do the same. It's amazing that so many people around me, who know that I delight in femininity, enjoy telling me that my daughter is going to be a rough and tough little tomboy, because she is an active almost 2 year old and she loves to climb on things. When we go places she usually wears a dress, unless she is going to be outside at the park and could get dirty then she'll wear a pair of shorts.

These same people, usually women, tell me that they were tomboys, and it's a good thing. I'm starting to think that they are secretly hoping that she will reject being a feminine, girly girl.

I usually don't respond to their comments, because I do not think there is much need. Young children will be young children, and that does not make them a tomboy. I enjoyed climbing trees with my brother, riding bikes, exploring in the woods, and playing basketball when I was younger. It was fun, and it was part of having a great childhood. But, I never considered myself a tomboy. I also enjoyed playing with my dolls, pretending to be a teacher to them, helping take care of my younger brother and sister, and wearing dresses and "looking pretty."



What things am I doing now to help nurture my daughter's femininity?

- Letting her help me clean. She enjoys dusting and wiping off the table.

- Dressing her like a little girl.

- Encouraging her to speak with a soft voice when she likes to get loud and boisterous.

- Letting her watch me cook, and "help" me with simple cooking tasks, like stirring.

- Praying vigilently over my daughter that God would mold her into the young lady that she needs to be, that He helps her maintain her purity until marriage, and live a life that is pleasing unto Him.

- Be an example of a feminine, Godly wife, mother and woman for her to see everyday. Knowing that I have little eyes watching me and mimicking me forces me to constantly try to be the best that I can be.

Do want more inspiration to raise your daughter to be a homemaker and embrace her femininity? Check out RaisingHomemakers.com !!

Real Housewife and Movie Recommendation

I thought it was cute how Teresa, on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, told her party planner that she cooks the meals for her family every day, keeps her house very clean, and takes care of her four children - all without help. It was funny that the party planner was taken aback at that prospect. But, in this day and age, I guess it almost seems abnormal for a woman to do all three of those things.

She did inspire me to go clean my kitchen floor so that it could be extra sparkly clean and pretty right after watching the episode. :)

On another note, I highly recommend a wonderful Christian movie, called Belle and the Beast. I watched it the other day, and I really enjoyed it. Now, granted, the acting is not the best, but the overall story was beautiful and inspiring. It is a Christian version of Beauty and the Beast, and that movie is one of my all time favorite Disney movies. So, I encourage you to check it out.

Have a happy Thursday!

Home by Choice: Review

Home by Choice by Brenda Hunter, Ph.D is an excellent book, full of encouragement to mothers to stay at home with their children. I recommend it highly to any mother or mother-to-be. The main message that I took away from reading this book was that it is mothers who teach their children how to be human. It is by us loving them, nurturing them, forming a secure attachment with them, that allows them to grow into emotionally healthy young people.

I have always known that having a mother at home is important for young children, but I didn't realize just how important. In the book she says,

"The fact remains that babies thrive when they have sensitive, responsive, and consistent mothering. And they fail to develop their full potential when they are deprived of maternal love. They need their mother during their earliest years more than they need toys, socializing with other children, or the material comforts a second income will buy"(64).

This is something that should be engrained in young women before they have children. Imagine if most young ladies fully understood how important being right there at home with their children really was, and made choices to ensure that they would be a stay at home mom. Instead our culture has come to believe that it's ok to be a working mother, even when you do not necessarily have to be one. If at all possible if a woman has young children, she needs to make every effort possible to stay home.



Hunter goes on to write,

"Ironically, while some mothers do not realize just how important they are to their young, subhuman primates are biologically programmed to keep their infants nearby. . . The infants sleep beside their mothers at night and never wander far from their sight by day. They run to their mothers if they become alarmed or afraid. . . Apparently, subhuman primates make good mothers. Not only do they stay close to their infants, but when they discipline their young, rebuffs are always gentle"(76).

Hunter reveals studies that show how mothers become less sensitive in their interactions with their children when they place them in daycare, and the children, in turn, become less affectionate toward their mothers. A study went on to reveal that the more hours a child spent in daycare the less sensitive the mother was in interacting with her child, and the more negative the child was towards her.

This is critical because "the way a mother interacts with her child is an important predictor of later child development- affecting social, cognitive, and linguistic competencies in early and middle childhood." So, a mother has that much influence over how her children turn out! It is not a job for the faint of heart. That is why we as mothers have to pray without cease, and seek after God. We have such an important job, and what mother wants to fail her child?



No one, I would hope. Choose this day to invest in your children's lives. If a woman feels that she must work to help out financially, then working part-time may be the answer. Once a woman becomes a mother, the most important job that she has is loving, nurturing, and training them. What career success can be sweet if your home is falling apart?

Home By Choice

The other day I sat with a group of classmates in class as we discussed completing a group assignment. It was the first day of this summer class, and we ended up talking about what we do, and what program we are completing. One of the ladies said that she was a stay-at-home mother . . . and that she hated it! She said it was the worst job in the world, and she wouldn't recommend any woman doing it. She has a five year old and a two year old, so she said that she won't return to the workforce until her son starts school, but she is literally counting the days until that happens.

Another young woman in the group chimed in, and said, "I know, it's the worst. When I had my son, I couldn't wait to go back to work after being home for 10 weeks." 10 weeks? She said that she hated being at home, and that it is much easier to work, and come home to the children in the evening. Then, you only have to deal with them for a few hours, instead of a whole day.

Sadly, I listened, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of understanding for what they were saying. How many times have I muttered to myself, "If only I had a job, and had a break from these kids!" Of course, I don't really mean it. 10 minutes later, I am back to feeling blessed to be able to stay at home with them.

The other week I mentioned that I was reading a book, "Home by Choice" by Brenda Hunter, and it was a wonderful read! Wow, did it bring home the importance of staying home with my children.

The main nugget that I received from reading this book was that young children need a mother at home to feel truly secure and safe in their world. That the bonds that are created between a mother and child will affect their future relationships and outlook on life in years to come. Mothers, we have a very important job. Sometimes it can be so demanding that you momentarily feel that a job could blissfully take you away from the responsibilities and demands of parenting.

But, it won't. Tomorrow, I will give a more detailed review of the book, but one of the most thought-provoking chapters from the book deals with violent children.

"Children who feel loved and valued by their parents do not kill. Children who kill do not spring up on the cultural scene overnight. . . it starts in infancy. Whenever parents are neglectful, abusive, or nonresponsive, they will have troubled kids who are angry and out of control by two or three years of age. . . By age five they are often at war with the world." (Hunter 159)

Reading this chapter made me truly realize that investing in my children's lives now is worth the financial strain, worth every stretch of my patience, worth every minute that I nurture, teach, kiss, hug, guide, train, and love on my children.

Good Reading for Mothers

I have been reading two wonderful books for mothers. All About Raising Children by Helen Andelin, the author of Fascinating Womanhood. And, Home by Choice by Brenda Hunter.

These books are soooo informative and educational. My eyes have been opened to how extremely powerful a mother is in the life of her children.

I am not finished with the books yet, but when I am I cannot wait to share a more detailed review of the books, and what I have learned from reading them.

Take care everyone!

Start Your Family

I got pregnant with my son one month after I got married. While my husband and I were happy to be pregnant so soon, a part of me felt a little embarrased to have gotten pregnant so fast. We weren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy, but I thought it would happen in about six months or so. Not the next month. But, God had other plans, and we were happy.

The reason I felt kind of embarrased was because there were many people telling me to make sure that I waited about two years before starting my family, and I know that a lot of people do that. It seemed kind of irresponsible to start our family so fast, without getting a firm foundation set for our marriage. Would you believe I almost felt like a pregnant teen when I told people I was expecting? Like it was something to be ashamed of.

I think back on how silly I was to feel that way. And, I felt embarrassment when I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 3 months old. I waited until I was showing to tell people that I was pregnant, because I didn't want to hear their responses. Again, silly girl.

Over on Ladies Against Feminism there is a book giveaway for the book, Start Your Family by Steve and Candice Watters. Their book encourages couples to start their families, and not be influenced to wait a number of years to start. It sounds like an interesting read. If you want a chance to win the book, head over there for your chance to win.

Making Marriage Work Part 2

The other week I wrote about making marriage work. I wondered about whether couples should try to make things work when a spouse commits infidelity, especially on a continuous basis. There has been so much talk in the media, and around dinner tables about marriage and cheating, and whether women should stay with their cheating husbands.

It has really made me think about whether a woman should try to fight for the marriage, or if it's doomed after a man perpetually cheats on her. I do not have the answers, but I've read some interesting things about having faith in the Lord to heal a broken marriage, and to try to be the best wife you can be, despite difficult circumstances.

Here is an excerpt of a testimony written to Debi Pearl from a wife that dealt with her husband's infidelity, and how she overcame it.

Allow me to start my letter by stating that I am a 34-year-old African-American female Chicagoan. I feel this is important to say because when first learning of your Created To Be His Help Meet book, I thought, that was not for today’s black family.

Shame on me, but I am typing this so others will not opt out of their blessing based upon stereotyping.

I have been married to my H.S. sweetheart for 13 years. Believe me, it has not been as sweet as it sounds. I come from a family of strong, independent black women. This was thought of as a blessing until I took a good look at why ALL the women in my predominantly-female family have been divorced. Yes, ALL OF THEM!
I was well on my way to being divorced myself. My husband and I had been separated for 3 years, 2 of which he had a live-in girlfriend, and 1 ½ years where all three of our daughters were sent to live with them!


You can read the rest here.

photo from I Think I Love My Wife.