Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Blessing of Girls

Yesterday I watched a show on the Discovery Health channel entitled, "8 Boys Wanting a Girl". The show followed a couple of families who had boys who were desperate to have a girl. One woman had 8 sons, and was hoping for a girl. Her very first child was a girl who did not make it full term, and she has grieved for that daughter that she should have had and has never had.

Two other women had four boys. One tried one more time to get pregnant and she prayed fervently that this fifth child that she was carrying would be a girl, because this was her last time trying. She went to the doctor for the ultrasound and found out that she was carrying. . . another boy. She broke down in tears and quickly composed herself and said it was ok and that she was fine.

Later in the show she said she did not know what to do with her sadness over knowing that she will never have a daughter.

The other lady that had four boys tried a type of in vitro fertilization that allows parents to choose the sex that they want and have that embryo implanted in them. They had 8 embryos and only one was a girl. She was very excited.

The doctors implanted the female embryo, and told her to take a pregnancy test in 9 days to confirm that she was pregnant, and that everything was a success.

She took her pregnancy test, and sadly, she was not pregnant. She was crushed and broke down into tears.

I was completely fascinated watching this show. Astoundingly, the last woman profiled had four boys and was not married to the father, and refused to marry him until they had daughters. They did the in vitro fertilization that allows you to choose the sex, and they ended up with twin girls.

She married the father, and she said that is so thankful,and that it was completely worth it. Her girls are everything that she hoped for and more.

Now, for the commentary:

Most of the women on the show said that people thought they were crazy for wanting a girl so badly, and that they should just be thankful for the children they already have. And, these women wanted to feel that way too, but they just couldn't shake their strong desires for a girl.

It sounds so selfish and absurd, but, honestly,. . . I could relate to them in a way.

Is it right
? I don't think so. But, is it a feeling that many women have? Yes.

It sounds sad and pathetic, but I understood what these women were feeling to some degree, because I felt the same way with my own children.

Growing up I always wanted to have a son first, and then a daughter. I always wanted to end up having two boys and two girls. After being a teacher, though, I began to really long for having a daughter.

In my thinking boys were a handful: they were super active, always had to be moving around, always into things, most of my behavior problems were boys. And, the thing was they weren't bad boys. Most of them were kind hearted and good boys, but they were just so active!!

Most of my girl students on the other hand were sweet and quiet and sat attentively in class, and it did not take much to get them back in line if they were disruptive. Afer being a teacher I couldn't wait to have a little girl of my own, plus there were sooooo many cute things for little girls.

When I got pregnant with my first child, I just assumed I was having a girl, and daydreamed about all of the cute stuff she would have, the fun things we would do, and that I would have a little person like me. When my husband and I were at the doctor to find out the sex of the baby and I found out it was a boy, I was crushed. I surprised myself with how crushed I was.

Embarrasingly, tears sprang to my eyes, and I tried to hide them, but my husband saw them and looked at me with bewilderment. After leaving the doctor's office he told me that he couldn't believe I was crying over having a boy. I should be thankful just to have a healthy baby. Of course, I knew he was right, but it did nothing to stop the sadness over not having a little girl. All I could think about were the little boys I used to teach, and how superactive they were, and I thought what life would be like ahead.

But, as my pregnancy went along, I became more and more excited about his arrival. When I had him, I was so overwhelmed with joy and happiness, and he has been a true blessing in my life.

When I found out I was expecting again I prepared myself for having another boy. When we went to find out the sex, I was so nervous, and silently prayed for a girl. I was so excited when I found out I was having a girl.

I was so excited that wasn't even that sad about having another C-section. I was really upset about having a C-section the first time, and was depressed about it for awhile afterwards. Anyways, I was laying on the operating table just giddy with excitement, not even caring that I'm having another C-section, I just couldn't wait to meet my daughter.

So, I could relate in some ways with what these women felt. And I felt bad for them, because I know that there are blessings with having both boys and girls. Have you ever noticed when a woman has one of each sex, people are like, oh good, you have one of each now. It's a blessing to have children, period. But, it's also great to have boys and girls, and not just one sex.

Obviously if a couple just has one sex of children they have to be thankful for what they have and realize that God doesn't make a mistake.

So, what's so great about having girls:

1. You can do girly things with them.
2. They are like human baby dolls that you get to dress up and enjoy. :)
3. You can train a little homemaker and have a helper in the kitchen and around the house.
4. You have someone to pass on womanly wisdom to, and see that wisdom manifest in her life.
5. You have someone to go shopping with and go to tea with. I love afternoon tea, and I have a little girl that can share in that pastime with.
6. In a way, you can relive your own childhood. You get to reexperience playing with dolls, having tea with your dolls, and just remembering how you were as a girl.
7. As they get older, you (hopefully) have a best friend. My mother is definitely one of my best friends, and we have always had a close, special relationship. My grandmother is one of my mother's best friends. And, I hope when my daughter is older that we will be best friends too.
8. There are many more. . .

Boys are blessings too, no doubt, and I will do another post about the joys of boys.
Watching the show just struck a chord in me and I understood their sadness. Having a girl is a blessed thing for many reasons, and I am thankful that God blessed me with one of each.


Sarah R said...

I didn't see the show, but how interesting!
One of my best friends has four boys. They never got their daughter.
Another of my best friends has five daughters, and she is currently pregnant with her sixth. She is certain it's another girl.
I had my daughter first, then two boys. Right now, we are NOT best friends. She is 15 and "knows it all." I know the teenage years are difficult for girls, and I'm very much looking forward to her becoming an adult so we can talk to each other normally again. We're at that weird age where I'm trying to give her adult freedom, and she switches back and forth from being very adult, to very childish. It's a tough age.
I'll have to watch that show when it comes on again. Great post!

Mrs. Stam said...

Funny I'm a mother of 3 girls and ABSOLUTELY love it and them, but I long for a boy hehe, a little boy to carry my husband name and buisness etc...

But I think that all children are a blessing from the LORD and that is he blesses us with a fourth daughter I would be very happy to know I wouldn't need to buy more clothes LOL!

S. Belle said...

Mrs. Stam, I think it's natural to want the other sex if you only have one sex of children. So, I could understand wanting a boy when you only have girls. I actually know a number of families that feel the exact opposite of this post. They only have girls and really want to have a boy, especially the father.

It's true that all children are blessings, and it's especially nice to have the experience of parenting both.

Audrey said...

Wow! I've never really thought about the desire to have girls before, but now that I think about it, I can totally see it! I haven't ever noticed a lack of girls in any of my friends and mentors' lives because they tend to have girls, at least at some point. I have all sisters, and now that I have two children of my own, they're both girls... and I wouldn't mind if we ended up with 6 girls and no boys! It's funny, because when you have two of the same sex (or three... or four... etc.) people always ask if you're going to try for the other. I'm constantly asked if we will try for a boy. A friend of mine also has two girls but they're done having kids... and people still ask them if they will try for a boy! It is assumed that a couple will have at least one of each sex.

But all this also makes me think... maybe this strong desire that we, as women, have for daughters is just as strong as our husbands' desires to have a son?

Great post!

Kimmie said...

Hi, I came over from the homemaking link up. This post was like a breath of fresh air. My husband and I have 5 girls, no boys. I often feel sad about not having a boy. I long to mother a son. All of my friends have boys and I do not. Don't get me wrong I love love love having little girls. There is nothing sweeter. I just would like to have a son mixed in there somewhere.

I understand the "you should be thankful for what you have". I have friends who can not have children.

This post made me feel better Thanks for that.

April said...

Wow I was like you...exact same thing. Except that I didn't have an ultrasound and found out at the birth. THAT was extremely hard. I was depressed for months. Now my son is 15 and I love him dearly, and I thank God every day that He blessed me with two girls next. Having daughters is such a part of who I am, that I absolutely cannot imagine not ever having a daughter. That was literally all I longed for out of life! So far I have 2 boys and 2 girls, and I am very thankful!

Jo said...

Hi, God blessed me with 2 boys who I love dearly and even though it would have been great to have daughter, I wouldn't change my family at all nor hanker after a girl. Boys are so much fun and you can do boys things with them, but I have taught my sons to clean and to love cooking and now they are very good and will make great husbands.


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