Changes

It's been nearly 18 months since I've posted, because my baby boy will be 18 months old at the end of this month! Wow, how times flies!

A few changes:

1. Baby boy # 4: I will say the first few months after having my #4 were some of the hardest months of my entire LIFE!!! Oh my goodness! When I was expecting my third child, I was nervous about having three children, but when I had her it ended up being easier than I thought it would be. Well, with my last pregnancy I figured it was going to be hard. . . And it WAS!! The juggling, the guilt, the demands on my time. I felt soooooo overwhelmed. I felt that I was neglecting my first two, I felt guilty that my third baby was having to scoot out the way, so to speak, I had marriage problems, financial struggles, etc. Some days I thought I would lose my mind.

What I was unprepared for? How much I loved my baby boy. I am still to this day amazed at how someone could be so depressed during a pregnancy, but then be sooooo happy after the baby comes. That little boy brings me so. much. joy!!! It was unexpected the amount of joy and happiness his sweet little presence has brought in our family's life. I am so thankful. I truly am. Everyday. It's still a lot of work, but the super hard part when he was a newborn is over.

2. Being a working mother: My entire life I have always felt that a woman should be at home to raise her children while they are young. I still believe it. So, it's hard to now be a working mother. I went back to work when my #4 was four months old. I feel guilty that my youngest two children don't get to experience me being at home with them. But, I try to look at the bright side, and focus on the positives. And, I'm working on a plan to get back home, but still provide a substantial income. That would be a dream come true.