Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Regretting children

Yesterday I happened upon a website about being child free. The blog author's goal for writing is to share the beauty of living a child-free lifestyle. She wrote about how the U.S. is such a family and child centered country, and how being child-free is really a wonderful option for couples.

I didn't find anything totally wrong with that if a couple chooses not to have children or they simply cannot have children, it's ok to cheerfully embrace being childless.

But, what made my heart sink was reading her guest posts from mothers who regretted having their children, and wished that they had remained child-free. These posts were to serve as "inspiration" to other women of the "reality" of being a mother. It's mainly a regrettable decision.

The main reasons many of the women cited for regretting their children:

1. Lack of time to themselves.

2. Compromises with their career.

3. Drain on their finances.

4. Missed their carefree, before children lifestyle.

I thought about a previous post I wrote about teaching our daughters to love motherhood.

I shared my struggles with motherhood. Have I had moments when I wanted to go back to my before children life of having an abundance of free time? Sure. Did the moment last? No.

I think many mothers have had their moments of wanting to have more time to themselves, and miss their pre children life. But, to just say you regret being a mother period is a huge statement. Yes, motherhood can be quite hard. It's challenging, and yes it's hard work to instill values, be consistent with discipline, and have the patience of Michelle Duggar while raising children. But, it's a wonderful job that I wouldn't trade for anything.

It did make me think about the fact that in Titus 2 the Bible admonishes the older women to TEACH the younger women how to love her children.

That would imply to me that it's not as natural as breathing to love your children, as in loving the day in day out task of mothering them. When you're exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, you need someone to talk to who has been in your shoes, and can offer you a glimmer of hope that everything will be alright, or offer tips for how they handled discipline, whining, maintaining patience, maintaining sanity(?),etc.

Motherhood requires selflessness, and when you're really selfish, it is a lot HARDER to love being a mother. Praying daily, developing a servant's heart, and having mothering support is crucial.

I'll contine in a later post with great links to encourage mothers in this mothering journey.

Linking up with
Titus 2 Tuesday

Titus 2sDay


Deanna said...

Sweet sweet blessings to you.
Becoming a momma has been one of the greatest blessings I have.

The precious and valuable lessons
I've lived through have been God ordained about Husbands, Children and Home.

God bless,

Love Abounds At Home said...

It's sad when I hear about women regret having children. The society in which we live in doesn't view children the way it should. A blessing.

When my children were little and I didn't have much time to do things that I would like, I would always remind myself that they grow up and I need to cherish the time I have with them. I'm so glad I did. They have grown up and starting their own families. That's why I encourage mothers with young children to make the most of the time they have. It will be worth it.

Connie said...

Loved this post, please link it with me tomorrow at Wow Us Wednesday!

Anonymous said...

Yes to all the above comments and I'd like to add grandchildren are wonderful to look forward to.

I'm about to become a great grandmother and I can tell you that having children is wonderful, but having grandchildren and great grandchildren is even better.

Ladies, like it or not your children and grandchildren ARE your social security. Think about it.

The only thing I regret is not having more children!

Mrs. J.

Weather Anchor Mama said...

That's pretty crazy! I would never guess that so many women would have regrets. My hubby and I waited a while before having Princess. I've had to make some career sacrifices. but, I'm ok with it all. I wouldn't trade her for the world. I love my life. Sure there are times when I wish I had some alone time, or a moment when I could just be free. There are moments when I wish for a much better gig. But, those are just fleeting thoughts. I have a wonderful hubby and a great daughter.

Great post! I'm a newbie to your site-visiting via Baby Making Machine

Crystal @ Serving Joyfully said...

Um..wow! I truly cannot believe that women would publicly post on a blog that they regret having their children. That is heartbreaking to me. I didn't think I wanted children, but I've never once regretted them after they got here. I can't imagine my life without them.


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